You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
