HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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