I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
