I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
