My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
