8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
