That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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