just come out here and I will go home with you...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
