My cat gives me a boner
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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