When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
