2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
