My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
