I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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