worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Pooping to opera.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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