fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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