what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
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