filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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