we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
