We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
