Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
bring money and cleavage
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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