Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
