just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
