Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
