the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We're too hungover to prance.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
