i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
