Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
