I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
