I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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