i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
