I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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