u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
