so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
