Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
