I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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