Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
