You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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