He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
