Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
