My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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