There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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