woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
