Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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