would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
