Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
