the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
