My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i think i just lost a toe
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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