You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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