Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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