What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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