woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
