what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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