you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Sorry about my life...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
