Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
