I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
