Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
