to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
smell my finger.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
